


Never

by magic_at_mungos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 02:09:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/973040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic_at_mungos/pseuds/magic_at_mungos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time he saw her, he knew she was something that he could never be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never

The first time he saw her, he knew she was something that he could never be. He remembered it well. He had been sitting on the steps in front of his house, not daring to go in until he could spot his mam coming back down the street from the big house where she ‘did’ for the lady. And then Severus had seen her. A flash of red hair in a pair of plaits racing along the alley. She was shrieking with laughter, closely followed by the thuds of sandaled feet of someone a little taller and thinner. Both girls looked like they knew no one could ever hurt them. Confident. Untouchable. Even then, Severus should have known. The likes of Lily Evans would never live in the same world as him.

The summers were the worst. All Severus wanted to do was to curl up in the window with one of the books his mam made him swear never to show his da and lose himself in the world that was so different to his own. One where one could fight back against someone who was too free and easy with his fists, especially when they had had a drink. A world where he could defend his mam and stop her from her looking so drawn. Too often, Severus would be pushed out of the door with a heel of bread and a hasty kiss and a whisper to make himself scarce. He knew that half the kids on the street had to do the same but it never made the hurt any less. That was the way of the world. The women struggled to feed too many mouths on not enough money, and on a Saturday the sight of a black eye was not uncommon.

All he did at first was watch them. He watched them have picnics and wade in the streams and live the life that was so removed from his own. She told fantastical stories to her sister. They would sit on the blanket and Lily would tell tales of faerie folk and those who walked the moors the same as them. Her sister, Petty, would sit there solemnly and drink in every word. Day after day, he would creep closer to hear them whisper the tales to each other.

Before he could stop himself one day, Severus said, “They’re true. Them stories you tell of fairies and pixies. Well mainly.” The two girls peered up at him, squinting against the sun. Petunia chewed at the end of her plait and eyed him warily. “No they’re not. I would have seen them if they were true,” she said sullenly. He scowled at her. “I know they’re true. I've seen fairies. My mam showed me.” Lily’s face lit up. “Really? Cross your heart?”

Severus felt his tummy tighten as she looked at him with glowing eyes – willing to do _anything_ that would make her continue smiling at him. She was different to the girls in his road. They were a little too brassy and none of them had this air of almost innocent delight in things. He gave her a small smile and said “If mam says so, I can show you magic. But it’s got to be a secret. You can’t tell _anyone_.”

Before Petunia could protest, Lily nodded in delight and Severus blushed as she planted a kiss on his cheek. “Ask her tonight. Then you can come here tomorrow with us.” Petunia shot him a dirty look as if he was encouraging Lily and he couldn't catch his breath for a moment. He nodded and then turned to flee from this strange new situation.

After that first meeting, came a strange sort of friendship. Summers were spent running across the moors or just sitting on the walls laughing their heads off. Severus didn't care that Petunia was always half a step behind them. He was with Lily and that was all right. As the seasons changed, they started to meet down by the canal, practising skimming stones or curled up in ‘their’ corner in the library after school. Of course she was down to go the Grammar. His mam couldn't afford the uniform, even if he could go and he still harboured a secret wish that he could go the same school as she did. At night, he would sit up and pore over the album that was filled with moving pictures. Pictures in which she still looked young and excited about life and would every so often turn up to wave at him. Why would she marry his da? Severus could never get past the fact that he was out of work more often then he was in it, and even when his da did work, most of the money ended up behind the bar at the Red Lion instead of on the table.

The summer after the eleven plus was nerve wrecking. Lily and Severus were anxious waiting for their results and he was hoping against hope that an owl will bring his letter. They had a bench by the canal, where they met when they had important news because they could both get there within five minutes if they ran. That balmy July day, they both arrived at the bench at the same time, slightly breathless and waving identical pieces of parchment. Lily flung her arms round his neck and he gave her an awkward hug back. She gave him a huge smile “We’re going to still be together. You were right, Sev. Magic is real and we’re going to learn it.” He watched her bubble over with excitement. Lily had this knack of being so excited she bounced and made anyone else in her presence feel as good as she did.

He knew it was too good to last. The excited trips to Diagon Alley to pick out their wands and collect their books and the overwhelming excitement as they waited to travel down to London to catch the train. Severus didn't care that his da hated the fact that he was the same as his mam or that he got belted for looking at him funny. He was getting out. He hated that he was leaving his mam but soon they would be able to be together. Away from his father.

The first signs of it falling apart came on the Hogwarts Express. They sat together and quietly watched all the people who looked like they knew what they were doing and shared chocolate frogs when the witch came round with the trolley. Severus knew their friendship could never last when James Potter and Sirius Black burst into their carriage and overwhelmed them both with talk and bolshyness and the air around them both that said “Look at me. I am the king of the hill and you will be with me or against me". The air that could only come from families that were safe and secure and weren't filled with tense silences. In short, people who were like Lily and not like him. Sooner or later, she’ll drop him like a hot potato and stick to her own kind. He knew then on that crisp September day, that she could never love him like he loved her. They were friends and that was as far as it went.

The next crack came as Lily watched him cross the Great Hall to the table on the opposite side to her. By then, they had been told about the reputations of each House and he knew that she was a lot braver than him. She wasn't afraid to speak out when she thought something was wrong whilst he preferred to watch and wait to see how the dice fell.

Was it the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning? All Severus knows is that things didn't stay the same as they were when they were growing up. And every time he sees a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye, he half expects to hear a shriek of laughter and to hear Lily running behind him, calling his name. Then he remembers that she is lost and gone forever and she died never knowing that he loved her. Loves her.


End file.
